some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
