so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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