You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
