real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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