i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
