I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Are we still banned from the library?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
