you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Someone shit on the floor
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
