dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
