Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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