Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
