you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
