We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
