this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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