ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
