its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
