It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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