I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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