I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sorry my hands just texted you
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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