My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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