i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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