If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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