we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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