Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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