You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
