Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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