People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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