When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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