i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
