she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize