the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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