things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
