My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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