I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
