Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
