I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
