I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
