My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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