if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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