dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize