i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
