Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
