Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
