well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
