my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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