He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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