Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
