We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
