im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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