Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize