i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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