How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
