Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
