Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
