wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
