He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
