He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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