my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
