My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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