My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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