I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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