i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
