You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
