I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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