Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
