In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
