Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
