before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Im part way to drunk.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
