She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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