Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
