how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
