i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
