sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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